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Velvet Smooth (1975) plunders Cleopatra Jones territory and stars Johnnie Hill, a stick-thin fashion disaster in her lemon suit and Tamara Dobson afro wig. Martial arts was the old stand-by to warm up any old leftovers, and true to grindhouse cinema tradition, Velvet Smooth contains the lamest kung-fu scenes you'll ever witness, where the punches land twelve inches from their target. Best of all is the title song: "Velvet Smooth, you are the one... Velvet Smooth, with love or with guns... You're Velvet Smooth, with piece in hand... If fate takes your youth, I won't understand..."

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